she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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