hotel room ftw
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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