They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
