i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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