so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize