I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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