dude i'm inner monologue high
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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