Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
