If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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