I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
