I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
