Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
