you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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