Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize