When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
