I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
