I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize