then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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