$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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