I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
