You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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