i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
