I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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