I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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