I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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