All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
