I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
