If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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