dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize