Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
COCAINE IS GR8
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
