Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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