every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
