Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize