If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
