All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
