pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
