she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
