I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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