There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
