just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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