U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
