Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
