I could have mohawked her pubes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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