she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize