maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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