she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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