I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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