OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
