I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
