Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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