The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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