My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
