The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
