Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
