its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
