My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
