my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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