no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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