Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
