watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
