I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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