You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
COCAINE IS GR8
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
