So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
