Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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