I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
