we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
