My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
