I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
