Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
