Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
